Review: "Black Swan"

So, what did I think of “Black Swan”?  I really enjoyed it, but I felt like I should have loved it.  If I removed the wonderful ballet ending, I felt as though its cracks started to show, and they were major cracks. 

One request, though.  I love Natalie Portman.  I want Natalie Portman.  I need Natalie Portman.  But . . . um . . . has Natalie Portman never masturbated?  The points where she was masturbating seemed very unconvincing.  I was rolling my eyes the first time, like “oh come on!”

Another request: kill the special effects.  This movie had a really talented cast and a setting that was intense and beautiful.  I didn’t need to see a room full of paintings with their eyes moving.  I felt like that cheapened the moment.  I am torn regarding Natalie Portman turning into a swan.  On the one hand, we saw already, just in the quality of the performance, that something had changed, the “Black Swan” had taken hold.  We saw that just in the acting, so we didn’t need special effects.  On the other hand, the transformation was incorporated into the dance, and that worked really well. 

Third request: STOP SHAKING THE GODDAMN CAMERA! 

My real problem with the movie was that it felt like a nightmare sequence, but not in a good way.  In a nightmare, images shift all over the place.  Why did I suddenly see a goat here?  Who knows?  Why is it raining?  It just is.  Why is it suddenly not raining?  It just is.  That’s how nightmares work.  There were several themes at work here.  What was the deal with Milla Kunis’ character?  Was she, indeed, her rival and was trying to take the part from her?  The ballet dancer that retired and disfigured herself?  The lecherous director?  The overbearing and creepy mother?  Natalie Portman disfiguring herself?  There were a bunch of these themes, and we got glimpses into them and then . . . nothing.  None of them were developed, so it felt like these were all passed under the banner of “Natalie Portman is nuts”.  This movie deserved better than that. 

I hope that the footage that develops these themes is sitting somewhere, and that we will have a “Director’s Cut” DVD that knocks our socks off.  This movie should have been 2 hours, and I came away feeling as though it had been hacked to fit in 1 ½ hours.