A few months ago, I went on an audition, and as usual I didn't get a part. This led me to some soul searching. In 2010, what did I see? I was in two Hedgerow class showcases, so there was no audition. I was in "Godspell", but that was with a group that finds everyone a part, so that didn't count. I was in "A Man For All Seasons", but I auditioned for that in 2008. I was asked to audition for "Murder on the Nile", but it was pretty much pre-determined that they wanted me. I don't recall auditioning for "Tiny Tim's Christmas" at all. I had one and only one successful audition that year, and that resulted in a bit-part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park". I auditioned a LOT last year, and that was my one and only success. That was only audition where it wasn't a given that I would get the part.
In 2011, I had one more Hedgerow class showcase and I was in two more plays. One was "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and the other was "42nd Street". With "42nd Street", again it was pre-determined. I was also in a student film, which had no audition. Oh, and I was asked to be in "Henry V" . . . after I had initially been turned down for a part.
I went to two auditions in the winter and spring. One was for "Streetcar Named Desire", and I didn't get a part. My heart really wasn't in it, though: I was in the middle of tap dance classes to prepare for "42nd Street", and I liked the idea of performing with my friends and my boys. I think the director was considering me for a smaller part, and that didn't interest me at all. I wasn't offered a part, but I felt better when I saw their final cast: this was an amazing show, and the person that got the part I wanted was a much better fit for the part.
The second audition was for "Angels in America". The audition committee went "wow" at my monologue, but I didn't get a part. At that point, I decided it was time to take a break. The world of acting just didn't want me, and I was tired of banging my head against a wall.
I was very cranky during "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and I was glad when it was over. Then, I felt, I could concentrate on "42nd Street". Unfortunately, all the focus was put on the musical numbers and the dances, and I realized that my character was basically being ignored. After all of that, I was happy with my performance (since no one was directing me, I did the part the way I wanted), but literally not one single person (other than Jen) seemed to notice. When we went out at the end of the show to mingle with the audience, I gave a mandatory minute-and-a-half, which was enough time to notice that not one single person in the audience cared about my performance. I was glad and relieved when it was over. I realized that I was in ten performances in less than a year, so perhaps that was why I was so cranky.
Last night, I decided to try auditioning again. Three and a half hours later, I received a rejection e-mail. And I find myself wondering: why am I even trying? Three and a half hours means I was literally on the first page of rejections, even though the director said that she "liked" my reading. That's a little detail: I never get called for a callback. I am consistently on that first page of rejections. People don't need time to think when they say "no" to me.
Here's the part that bothers me most, though. Jen has a friend that thinks of himself as quite a singer. He auditions and is rejected, but he keeps on going. He posts videos of himself performing and he even has a newsletter. It doesn't dawn on him that he is terrible! This leads me to a question: am I actually any good? Biased people like Jen say that I am. Tom, who has taught two of my acting classes at Hedgerow, says that I am, but I paid $250 a shot for his classes. I hear from all of these sources that I am good, and yet I keep getting turned down from audition to audition. Maybe it's race, but even if it is my brown skin . . . I'm not so good that people are willing to look past the brown skin. If it's my brown skin that prevents me from getting roles, I would like it to be a difficult decision to say "no", and that doesn't appear to be the case.
Maybe it's time to quit.
This year, I co-wrote "Vampe", and my writing has drawn considerable praise. I also wrote "Leia", a play that has the interest of a director and will likely be staged soon. That means that I am officially having more luck as a writer than as an actor. Maybe that is where my future lies.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thinking About My Next Year
Two years ago was interesting. I had a difficult summer. That fall and winter, while struggling with finances, my older son's lack of interest and motivation with college applications, and a particularly bad winter, I performed in a Christmas play. With the new year, I thought about how much I enjoyed acting . . . maybe that next year, I should be in more plays?
The next year, I was literally a theatre whore. I went to just about every audition and I took just about any part. My reasoning was that I wanted to make sure my name was known, that theatre groups knew I was available. In less than a year, I was in ten performances. Four of these were one-day performances, one of them was a movie shoot that took place in one day, and five were performances that ranged from one weekend to seven weeks. This was a lot. It meant I had a great many frustrations, but I also had some great experiences as well.
So, what about this year? This springtime, I was incredibly frustrated about theatre. I was routinely turned down for parts, and it hit the point where I was going in to auditions knowing I would not get a part. I looked back at my favorite plays and I saw that there were no parts for me. I knew I was good, yet I found that the only substantive parts I would get were from acting classes. I had been in two major plays, and I hated both of them. Then, I realized something: I had been in ten performances in less than a year . . . I seriously needed to take a break! No wonder I was so crabby and frustrated!
Right now, I really miss the stage, but I haven't wanted to go back to the auditioning process. I will start auditioning again after Pennsic, but this time I will be a bit more selective of plays. I already know that my two major theatre companies have nothing to offer me in terms of performances. One will be doing a version of "Nutcracker", which will mix ballet with modern dances: not for me. After that, they will be doing "Cats": again, not for me. The other specializes in Gilbert & Sullivan, and I'm just not interested. But, it looks like I will be quite busy!
One director with whom I have worked wants to put on my play "Leia". She is toying with the idea of February. I won't actually be in the play, but I have a feeling I will be pretty active with script modifications as they find things. I am hoping that next year at this time, "Vampe" will be in full swing. This past weekend, I was able to hear some more of the music for "Vampe", and even watched as my collaborator composed music for songs I had written . . . this is going to be a fantastic play! I have a feeling, though, that between now and then, we will need to take the painful step of cutting things from the play!
These two things, if they work out, will be a big priority for me this next year. But what about acting? Like I said, I will be auditioning again soon enough. I saw two acting classes that interest me, so that should keep me occupied in the fall. I am also hoping that my idea of a "Staged Readings Workshop" will happen . . . it it goes like I hope, I might finally be able to perform in "Angels in America"! One thing I must watch for, however, is a long run, like I had last fall. "Murder on the Nile" ran for seven weeks . . . for seven weeks, my weekends were taken. Sorry, with Jen in my life, I can't and I won't do that!
The next year, I was literally a theatre whore. I went to just about every audition and I took just about any part. My reasoning was that I wanted to make sure my name was known, that theatre groups knew I was available. In less than a year, I was in ten performances. Four of these were one-day performances, one of them was a movie shoot that took place in one day, and five were performances that ranged from one weekend to seven weeks. This was a lot. It meant I had a great many frustrations, but I also had some great experiences as well.
So, what about this year? This springtime, I was incredibly frustrated about theatre. I was routinely turned down for parts, and it hit the point where I was going in to auditions knowing I would not get a part. I looked back at my favorite plays and I saw that there were no parts for me. I knew I was good, yet I found that the only substantive parts I would get were from acting classes. I had been in two major plays, and I hated both of them. Then, I realized something: I had been in ten performances in less than a year . . . I seriously needed to take a break! No wonder I was so crabby and frustrated!
Right now, I really miss the stage, but I haven't wanted to go back to the auditioning process. I will start auditioning again after Pennsic, but this time I will be a bit more selective of plays. I already know that my two major theatre companies have nothing to offer me in terms of performances. One will be doing a version of "Nutcracker", which will mix ballet with modern dances: not for me. After that, they will be doing "Cats": again, not for me. The other specializes in Gilbert & Sullivan, and I'm just not interested. But, it looks like I will be quite busy!
One director with whom I have worked wants to put on my play "Leia". She is toying with the idea of February. I won't actually be in the play, but I have a feeling I will be pretty active with script modifications as they find things. I am hoping that next year at this time, "Vampe" will be in full swing. This past weekend, I was able to hear some more of the music for "Vampe", and even watched as my collaborator composed music for songs I had written . . . this is going to be a fantastic play! I have a feeling, though, that between now and then, we will need to take the painful step of cutting things from the play!
These two things, if they work out, will be a big priority for me this next year. But what about acting? Like I said, I will be auditioning again soon enough. I saw two acting classes that interest me, so that should keep me occupied in the fall. I am also hoping that my idea of a "Staged Readings Workshop" will happen . . . it it goes like I hope, I might finally be able to perform in "Angels in America"! One thing I must watch for, however, is a long run, like I had last fall. "Murder on the Nile" ran for seven weeks . . . for seven weeks, my weekends were taken. Sorry, with Jen in my life, I can't and I won't do that!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Where am I now?
There are several threads going on in my life.
I am frustrated at my older son regarding the rather relaxed attitude he has over financial aid for his next school year, and with getting a job. I think he's seeing that I'm annoyed and is picking up the slack, but it might be too little too late.
For the past few months, I've been enjoying having some savings and being able to pay all of my bills on-time without a fuss, and I'd like to be able to continue doing that. But, if he doesn't start contributing to his college (he's 19, so this is not unreasonable), that will come to a grinding halt. I am left with doing like last year -- struggling to pay everything myself -- or telling him that, because he didn't do anything to help, he's skipping a semester. The latter is the "tough love" approach, but I know him well enough to know that it WILL backfire.
I haven't gone to any theatre auditions since January. I decided I would take a break, and I've stuck with that. I have some other threads at work, however. I am trying to form a "Staged Reading" group, an "Acting Workshop" so to speak. If Viviana agrees to put me under their banner (so that I can use their liability insurance to rent a venue), this will become a reality. I'm thinking that the first "staged reading" will be my play, "Leia". That way, we can try this out (measure interest, evaluate the venue, etc.), without paying the expense of royalty fees.
Jen and I are having fun together. She is spending this week with me, and I'm hoping that spending so much "familiar time" with me won't drive her nuts. We're still very much in the "we get together and do something special and big" mode, so this is almost another stage (where we don't necessarily have anything interesting planned).
I am frustrated at my older son regarding the rather relaxed attitude he has over financial aid for his next school year, and with getting a job. I think he's seeing that I'm annoyed and is picking up the slack, but it might be too little too late.
For the past few months, I've been enjoying having some savings and being able to pay all of my bills on-time without a fuss, and I'd like to be able to continue doing that. But, if he doesn't start contributing to his college (he's 19, so this is not unreasonable), that will come to a grinding halt. I am left with doing like last year -- struggling to pay everything myself -- or telling him that, because he didn't do anything to help, he's skipping a semester. The latter is the "tough love" approach, but I know him well enough to know that it WILL backfire.
I haven't gone to any theatre auditions since January. I decided I would take a break, and I've stuck with that. I have some other threads at work, however. I am trying to form a "Staged Reading" group, an "Acting Workshop" so to speak. If Viviana agrees to put me under their banner (so that I can use their liability insurance to rent a venue), this will become a reality. I'm thinking that the first "staged reading" will be my play, "Leia". That way, we can try this out (measure interest, evaluate the venue, etc.), without paying the expense of royalty fees.
Jen and I are having fun together. She is spending this week with me, and I'm hoping that spending so much "familiar time" with me won't drive her nuts. We're still very much in the "we get together and do something special and big" mode, so this is almost another stage (where we don't necessarily have anything interesting planned).
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