But, this doesn't change what Leah did, and it doesn't change the fact that she managed to play me for three years. This doesn't change the fact that I am fully capable of being hurt.
Jen doesn't feel ready to meet my kids, and given that all they have had to deal with with women in my life, she is cautious. Heck, even now she doesn't want us to refer to ourselves as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". These are all good things, and make me feel that Jen is a step in the right direction. But this is Jen, this doesn't correct the fact that people like Leah were able to manipulate me.
I don't like cooking. I don't like housekeeping. There are a million things I would rather do than think of dinner on a given night. I am behind on my food shopping, by the way: the last food shopping trips worked very well, but we must get back to that. And the living room needs some serious tidying.
Three times, women convinced me to let them move in with me by promising me cooked meals. That does sound silly, doesn't it? Yet, there it is! Promises of cooked meals, promises of not having to deal with housekeeping. In one of those cases, at a time when I felt like I was "doing it all", promises of actual help with my kids. Those promises made me a willing sucker. The worst part is that my kids are preparing to be victims of this in their future. Whether Jen was in my life or I was alone, I can't lose track of the fact that I need to close that gap. We need to prepare our own meals until it becomes a habit, something we "just do" even if we don't like it. I need to stay on the kids' backs about tidying up after themselves, and I need to make sure I do so too.
Leah used me and hurt me, but what is the point of all of that if I don't learn something from it? And learning something is not "find another lover".
Would you be able to work in your budget a once a week or even every two weeks cleaning lady? Growing up we had a maid come twice a week. My father still has a maid service coming every week.
ReplyDeleteNot that I dont think you can do it... You can do it and you can deal with the food too. But it seems to take a lot of you, that you see it has a huge thing rather than the little thing it is for others.
No money for a housekeeper? Well maybe you could break it down for the cleaning. One day bathroom, the other day food shopping, one days bedrooms and laundry... Fold while you catch up on DVR shows.
Also... once you wrote " she would not even let us use disposable dishes..." NO! and you should not ever! Ever! use disposable dishes. Heck when you go to potlucks where you know there is disposable you should bring your own utensils and bring them back home to clean. Practice your signing while you wash the dishes if you have too. Do it after every meal, never let it pile up. It will be easier.