Back in January, my younger son and I had a voice lesson. I proudly managed matching four notes. Unfortunately, acting took away time, and we haven't been able to get back to voice lessons. I look at singing in much the same way other people look at many of the things I can do so effortlessly. I feel like there is some sort of barrier that is surrounding me in every direction. I can't escape it and I can't ignore it, because it is everywhere. And the problem is that I can't get past it. I'm on "this side" of the barrier, this thing called "music" is on the other side of the barrier. And everyone else is on that side of the barrier. It seems so easy to all of them. There is something crucial that eludes me, that everyone else in the entire world seems to "get".
This is the problem with being "gifted", and something I see with my own kids. When so many things come easy to me, the things that don't become ten times more difficult and ten times more intimidating.
I had a father that declared that 8th grade chorus was a waste of time. I have an ex-wife that would go "OH PLEASE" any time I tried to sing anything. I had everyone laughing when my older son, just a toddler, would loudly shriek any time I tried to sing anything. I had L, an ever loving girlfriend, declaring with all authority in her voice, that I was tone deaf and would never, ever be able to sing. Put it all together and I'm backwards with auditions. Everyone gets stressed about monologues, except me. Monologue? No problem. Song? Now I'm stressed.
A great deal of theatre is musicals. I don't like musicals, but I can't avoid them. When I get a part in a musical, I get to be a "bit part", because leads have to sing. I get to watch the leads and think "I can act circles around this guy . . . but I'm person-six-row-three because I can't sing."
Jen will help me until I can get back to voice lessons. I don't plan on being "good" at this, just "good enough" for an occasional musical. Actually, just "good enough" that I can get through an audition without being stressed.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Maybe . . . maybe . . .
Here is my current plan . . .
Tomorrow, "42nd Street" closes. Tomorrow night, we start taking things down. On Sunday, we finish taking things down and we have the cast party. After that, my younger son is starting on the summer youth program shows "Annie" and "Cinderella". My older son and I will be performing in "Henry V" in August, and we need to get off-book for that (rehearsal for that doesn't start until August, so we have some time free). In September, Viviana is planning on having dance classes to prepare for their fall/winter show, a version of "The Nutcracker". I plan on attending that, even though I don't plan on being in "The Nutcracker".
I was poking around some sites for who-manages-the-rights for "Angels in America". It turns out that for amateur groups, their royalties appear to be very cheap (10%). But I noticed something: if I will have fewer than 100 people in the audience, do not charge, don't make any money off this, and only perform this on one night, there are no fees at all!
So, I find myself thinking. What if I got a group together to do a "staged reading" of "Angels in America, part 1"? We would rehearse for a week, use minimal sets and no real costuming, and then perform (with scripts in hand) in front of an audience? If we did this at "Stage One", a weeklong rental would cost around $150. If I managed a group of, say, ten people, that comes to $15 per person. This is quite doable!
What are the complications?
First, "Stage One" requires that I get some sort of liability insurance. Um . . . how the heck do I do that for this one (not-really-even-a) show? I sent an e-mail to the people that manage "Stage One" to ask about that.
Since I don't plan on charging the audience or making money, I don't need to incorporate anything or start a bank account or any of that fun stuff. If this moves forward and evolves into a company, I would need to do that. I'll worry about that later. The moment I start charging an audience, we get the immediate question of "where does that ticket money go?" I seriously don't want to be bothered!
I will need to put out feelers. Can I even find ten people that would be interested in a staged reading? I need to figure out a date with "Stage One". I need to find out if I can even get a license to perform this play (a community theatre in south Jersey will be performing "Angels in America" in August, so they won't give me a license then!).
Depending on liability insurance, this seems quite doable.
I think I would like to first offer Viviana to put this under their banner. From my end, I suspect Viviana has some sort of liability insurance, so I could latch on to that. From Viviana's end, this opens a whole new avenue to them. Essentially, this would allow Viviana to offer an educational opportunity, a smaller version of Hedgerow's acting class. Because no one needs to be off-book for this and this only requires commitment for a week, and because this will be quite inexpensive, this would provide a nice place for people that want to "try" acting.
Of course, if Viviana doesn't want to do this, I think I might want to do this myself.
If this works out, I have a few more plays in mind. I'm thinking of "Angels in America part 1", but if people are willing we can extend this to two weeks and offer "Angels in America part 1" in one week and "Angels in America part 2" the next week. This whole thing started with the idea of performing "Laramie Project". Maybe we can also do "Equus". "Laramie" and "Equus", however, have fees even for free performances, but we're talking about $75/night for "Laramie" and $100/night for "Equus": it's not going to be so bad.
Now, as the person organizing this, I need to be generous regarding parts. In "Angels in America", as much as I might want to play Prior Walter, I will have to step back and let someone else do that role. This isn't a vanity project for me, after all! But, if we do "Equus", I don't care . . . I'm playing Dysart!
Tomorrow, "42nd Street" closes. Tomorrow night, we start taking things down. On Sunday, we finish taking things down and we have the cast party. After that, my younger son is starting on the summer youth program shows "Annie" and "Cinderella". My older son and I will be performing in "Henry V" in August, and we need to get off-book for that (rehearsal for that doesn't start until August, so we have some time free). In September, Viviana is planning on having dance classes to prepare for their fall/winter show, a version of "The Nutcracker". I plan on attending that, even though I don't plan on being in "The Nutcracker".
I was poking around some sites for who-manages-the-rights for "Angels in America". It turns out that for amateur groups, their royalties appear to be very cheap (10%). But I noticed something: if I will have fewer than 100 people in the audience, do not charge, don't make any money off this, and only perform this on one night, there are no fees at all!
So, I find myself thinking. What if I got a group together to do a "staged reading" of "Angels in America, part 1"? We would rehearse for a week, use minimal sets and no real costuming, and then perform (with scripts in hand) in front of an audience? If we did this at "Stage One", a weeklong rental would cost around $150. If I managed a group of, say, ten people, that comes to $15 per person. This is quite doable!
What are the complications?
First, "Stage One" requires that I get some sort of liability insurance. Um . . . how the heck do I do that for this one (not-really-even-a) show? I sent an e-mail to the people that manage "Stage One" to ask about that.
Since I don't plan on charging the audience or making money, I don't need to incorporate anything or start a bank account or any of that fun stuff. If this moves forward and evolves into a company, I would need to do that. I'll worry about that later. The moment I start charging an audience, we get the immediate question of "where does that ticket money go?" I seriously don't want to be bothered!
I will need to put out feelers. Can I even find ten people that would be interested in a staged reading? I need to figure out a date with "Stage One". I need to find out if I can even get a license to perform this play (a community theatre in south Jersey will be performing "Angels in America" in August, so they won't give me a license then!).
Depending on liability insurance, this seems quite doable.
I think I would like to first offer Viviana to put this under their banner. From my end, I suspect Viviana has some sort of liability insurance, so I could latch on to that. From Viviana's end, this opens a whole new avenue to them. Essentially, this would allow Viviana to offer an educational opportunity, a smaller version of Hedgerow's acting class. Because no one needs to be off-book for this and this only requires commitment for a week, and because this will be quite inexpensive, this would provide a nice place for people that want to "try" acting.
Of course, if Viviana doesn't want to do this, I think I might want to do this myself.
If this works out, I have a few more plays in mind. I'm thinking of "Angels in America part 1", but if people are willing we can extend this to two weeks and offer "Angels in America part 1" in one week and "Angels in America part 2" the next week. This whole thing started with the idea of performing "Laramie Project". Maybe we can also do "Equus". "Laramie" and "Equus", however, have fees even for free performances, but we're talking about $75/night for "Laramie" and $100/night for "Equus": it's not going to be so bad.
Now, as the person organizing this, I need to be generous regarding parts. In "Angels in America", as much as I might want to play Prior Walter, I will have to step back and let someone else do that role. This isn't a vanity project for me, after all! But, if we do "Equus", I don't care . . . I'm playing Dysart!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Laramie Project?
Over this past year, I have been very disappointed with the theatre world. I am told that I am a very good actor, yet I cant seem to get good roles. I never even get call-backs (I either get the role right away or, most of the time, I am one of the first told "sorry"). Of my auditions last year, five of my rejections I can point to something very tangible: my skin is brown.
A few months ago, the thought occurred to me: why don't I start my own theatre group? With my own theatre group, I can take the time to look for plays with minorities in lead positions. With my own theatre group, I can take the time to change plays so to give more opportunities to minorities (it would take only a handful of changes, for example, to stage "A Streetcar Named Desire" with an all-minority cast). But, the prospect of doing this is so daunting. Of course, I would be so busy with running the group that I would likely not be able to act. My girlfriend suggested something, however: what if I tried just producing one show.
I found a web site called "Dramatists", where I saw information for licensing a play for performance. For "The Laramie Project", it would cost $75 per performance. That seemed strangely doable. Three performances per week, three week run . . . $675. If tickets cost $12, seven people per performance would mean we get a profit.
My first thought is to propose this to Viviana. Viviana does musicals, which require costumes, sets, sound systems, and lighting. I don't know their financial situation, but I get the impression that these expensive shows mean that they don't make a whole lot of money. I plan on writing a proposal: "Laramie Project" can have a cast ranging from five people to twenty or thirty people. Costumes? Don't worry about it. Sets? I performed it with a bunch of chairs and not a whole lot else. Props? Bare minimums to suggest characters (a doctor might carry a stethescope). Lighting? Bare minimum. Sound system? If the cast can project well, we don't even need that. With appropriate outreach to high schools (bullying gay and lesbian students is very much in the news now) and to GLBT groups, it should get an audience. This play will generate revenue with very little overhead.
I don't actually know how Viviana will respond to this. So far, looking at the plays they have performed, "Laramie Project" is everything they don't do! Also, Viviana has its own board of directors that determine performances . . . would they be open to an "outsider" proposing they do something very different?
If Viviana rejects my proposal, maybe I might want to do this myself. And that would require finding my own venue.
Last night, I went to an SCA social at a place called "Stage One". This is a fairly generic hall, but it has a green room, chairs, and parking. It also wasn't all that difficult to locate. It's price? $30 per night, $150 per week, $550 per month. Same price for performances/showcases.
So, my estimation? "Laramie Project" royalties will cost $675 for a three week run. Two months of rehearsal plus nine performances, comes to $1370. $2045 to put on the show. If I can get a cast of, say, 15 people willing to pay $50 fee, this gives me $750. Of course, I need to put out "feelers" to see if people would be interested in putting out $50 fee! This leaves $1295. At $12 per ticket, we would break even if we manage to get 12 people per show.
That all seems very doable. I wonder if I could get some of my uncles and aunts to invest in this.
By the way, I found the group that handles the royalties for "Angels in America". They don't have a fixed per-performance price, but my estimation of royalties (assuming we only get $12 per show and tickets are $12) is $130. The price, then, for "Angels in America" would be $1500, but "Angels in America" has a smaller cast and will require sets. Of course, I could do a "staged reading" of "Angels in America" for no royalties, so long as it was one performance only and we didn't charge anything. That would mean paying for "Stage One" for the performance and for the rehearsal time (for a "staged reading", that could be as little as a week).
This sounds very doable. I need to come up with excuses for why I won't do it!!!
A few months ago, the thought occurred to me: why don't I start my own theatre group? With my own theatre group, I can take the time to look for plays with minorities in lead positions. With my own theatre group, I can take the time to change plays so to give more opportunities to minorities (it would take only a handful of changes, for example, to stage "A Streetcar Named Desire" with an all-minority cast). But, the prospect of doing this is so daunting. Of course, I would be so busy with running the group that I would likely not be able to act. My girlfriend suggested something, however: what if I tried just producing one show.
I found a web site called "Dramatists", where I saw information for licensing a play for performance. For "The Laramie Project", it would cost $75 per performance. That seemed strangely doable. Three performances per week, three week run . . . $675. If tickets cost $12, seven people per performance would mean we get a profit.
My first thought is to propose this to Viviana. Viviana does musicals, which require costumes, sets, sound systems, and lighting. I don't know their financial situation, but I get the impression that these expensive shows mean that they don't make a whole lot of money. I plan on writing a proposal: "Laramie Project" can have a cast ranging from five people to twenty or thirty people. Costumes? Don't worry about it. Sets? I performed it with a bunch of chairs and not a whole lot else. Props? Bare minimums to suggest characters (a doctor might carry a stethescope). Lighting? Bare minimum. Sound system? If the cast can project well, we don't even need that. With appropriate outreach to high schools (bullying gay and lesbian students is very much in the news now) and to GLBT groups, it should get an audience. This play will generate revenue with very little overhead.
I don't actually know how Viviana will respond to this. So far, looking at the plays they have performed, "Laramie Project" is everything they don't do! Also, Viviana has its own board of directors that determine performances . . . would they be open to an "outsider" proposing they do something very different?
If Viviana rejects my proposal, maybe I might want to do this myself. And that would require finding my own venue.
Last night, I went to an SCA social at a place called "Stage One". This is a fairly generic hall, but it has a green room, chairs, and parking. It also wasn't all that difficult to locate. It's price? $30 per night, $150 per week, $550 per month. Same price for performances/showcases.
So, my estimation? "Laramie Project" royalties will cost $675 for a three week run. Two months of rehearsal plus nine performances, comes to $1370. $2045 to put on the show. If I can get a cast of, say, 15 people willing to pay $50 fee, this gives me $750. Of course, I need to put out "feelers" to see if people would be interested in putting out $50 fee! This leaves $1295. At $12 per ticket, we would break even if we manage to get 12 people per show.
That all seems very doable. I wonder if I could get some of my uncles and aunts to invest in this.
By the way, I found the group that handles the royalties for "Angels in America". They don't have a fixed per-performance price, but my estimation of royalties (assuming we only get $12 per show and tickets are $12) is $130. The price, then, for "Angels in America" would be $1500, but "Angels in America" has a smaller cast and will require sets. Of course, I could do a "staged reading" of "Angels in America" for no royalties, so long as it was one performance only and we didn't charge anything. That would mean paying for "Stage One" for the performance and for the rehearsal time (for a "staged reading", that could be as little as a week).
This sounds very doable. I need to come up with excuses for why I won't do it!!!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
When I decide to Start Again With Theatre
This Friday is the final performance of "42nd Street". This Sunday is the cast party, and to be perfectly blunt, I seriously don't want to go. I still love the theatre company, but I am incredibly dissatisfied with this show. In the past, one of the things I loved doing was, after the show, mingling with the audience. With this show, I find myself not wanting to bother. I go out for a minute, see if there is anyone I know, and then I leave. I am very much ready for a break.
A little while ago, I decided that I will take a break from acting. I've earned it: 10 shows in 12 months! But when I am ready to restart, I have a few thoughts.
(1) No more plays that I don't like. I thought "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" wasn't a very good play. And "42nd Street" was pretty bad, too. Sure, everyone loves "42nd Street". "42nd Street" had some great musical numbers, but in between the musical numbers -- the actual play itself -- it sucked. I've had a philosophy of "getting my name out": auditioning everywhere and taking whatever role was offered to me. Well, no! If I don't like the play, I won't even bother. I haven't come up with a strategy for original plays ("Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" was an original work, so I couldn't go to the book store and look it up).
(2) I have nothing against small parts, so long as I am building my skills and learning something. I have nothing against a small part so long as the part is interesting. No more "phoning in" my performance! The beadseller in "Murder on the Nile" was a small part, but I learned so much from the director and from working with the theatre company. On the other hand, my part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park"? Nothing. My part in "42nd Street"? Nothing. These parts didn't challenge me. I didn't learn anything, and I didn't improve my skill-set one bit. Why bother?
(3) If I don't feel like people care about the part, it's not for me. For all the problems with "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", I never felt like people didn't care about my character, small as it was. The directors gave me direction. They got me costumes. And I heard several times from the audience that I was one of the favorite parts of the play. For my part in "42nd Street"? Well, not so much. The directors spent so much time and energy on the huge dance numbers that they didn't seem to think about the "play" itself. I saw signs of that with the performances of the other actors and some of the staging. From my own end, I received little to no stage direction. Was it because I am so amazing that I knocked the ball out of the ballpark from the very start? Or was it because the directors were so involved with the dance numbers that they didn't have time for anything else? I had the flexibility of reworking my character the way I wanted, portraying him differently from how anyone has ever portrayed him. What did the directors think? I have no idea. I don't think they even noticed. A week and a half before opening night, I realized that they had no costumes for me, so I had to buy the costumes myself. Why? Because my character wasn't in most of the dance numbers, so no one cared. As for the audience? Maybe I did an amazing performance that wow'd everyone, but by the ending everyone has forgotten about that because of the dance numbers. This is incredibly dissatisfying. If no one cares about a role, then it's not for me.
(4) Multiple performances at the same time? Let's limit that. Starting at the end of January, I had rehearsal for "42nd Street" and "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and I had my acting class. One day, I was asked to be in a one-day filming of a student film. This was all a bit too much! I need to drop back, to perhaps one play and one class at most. I'll still be open to things like that student film, but that will be all. When I think back to the fact that in less than 12 months, I was in 10 plays, I must wonder whether or not I am insane!
(5) Let's hold off on musicals for a while. Simple fact: I don't like musicals. Also, I don't sing particularly well, which by definition means I will not have a major part in a musical (since, presumably, a major part will require singing a solo or a duet). Also, many musicals are severely lacking in interesting characters and dramatic opportunity. In "Godspell", the "acting" was essentially just fooling around. In "42nd Street", most of the cast are just there to be in a dance number . . . they don't even have personalities. Sure, I have never been turned down from a musical (I suspect this is because most musical productions badly need men), but I don't enjoy them either.
(4) Multiple performances at the same time? Let's limit that. Starting at the end of January, I had rehearsal for "42nd Street" and "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and I had my acting class. One day, I was asked to be in a one-day filming of a student film. This was all a bit too much! I need to drop back, to perhaps one play and one class at most. I'll still be open to things like that student film, but that will be all. When I think back to the fact that in less than 12 months, I was in 10 plays, I must wonder whether or not I am insane!
(5) Let's hold off on musicals for a while. Simple fact: I don't like musicals. Also, I don't sing particularly well, which by definition means I will not have a major part in a musical (since, presumably, a major part will require singing a solo or a duet). Also, many musicals are severely lacking in interesting characters and dramatic opportunity. In "Godspell", the "acting" was essentially just fooling around. In "42nd Street", most of the cast are just there to be in a dance number . . . they don't even have personalities. Sure, I have never been turned down from a musical (I suspect this is because most musical productions badly need men), but I don't enjoy them either.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Drawing Lines in the Sand
I wrote about this the other day in a different site, and hopefully this will last a little longer than my usual turn-a-page-and-start-again scheme. In no small part, one of the things bothering me is that in a few days, my PFA against my ex-ex, Joni, is over. I'm hoping she is finally done with me and I won't be hearing from her any more, but now I have no idea what to expect.
And meanwhile, a few weeks ago, I had to put the PFA threat against Leah.
I've seen a lot of women over the years: some as lover and some as friend/confidant. I've touched a lot of lives, and in the end I have some dear friends out of the deal. But I've had a lot more hurt. And there are some out there for whom I still hold out some hope. Hope that they will show me that they are worth some place in my heart. Many of these people do not deserve it.
A while ago, I got over my hope that Joni would come to me one day and say that she has gone through years of therapy and is sorry for how horribly she treated me. I had it hammered into my head that this would not happen, and that even harboring that hope somewhere in my mind gave her something she could hook into. I needed to do more of that.
Leah will never come to me and apologize for how she acted. I'll go further: she will never be held accountable for how she acted. She is making up stories about me and telling these stories freely. She is surrounded by people that shake their heads and say "wow, how terrible!" And there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop that. Leah is a horrible person and she is gone from my life, and if there was a part of my mind that hoped that something good could come from that ordeal I endured with her . . . it's time to stop.
And one other friend: it's been clear to me for a couple of years that she has been treating me like crap. In her case, cutting her out of my life means losing something very precious to me. But that's just the way it is.
These are hooks in me, places where horrible people could hold on with their claws even if they don't know they are. It's one thing to remember them, it's one thing to tell stories about them, it's another thing to live in those memories. And it's time that stopped. Stories should be just stories.
And meanwhile, a few weeks ago, I had to put the PFA threat against Leah.
I've seen a lot of women over the years: some as lover and some as friend/confidant. I've touched a lot of lives, and in the end I have some dear friends out of the deal. But I've had a lot more hurt. And there are some out there for whom I still hold out some hope. Hope that they will show me that they are worth some place in my heart. Many of these people do not deserve it.
A while ago, I got over my hope that Joni would come to me one day and say that she has gone through years of therapy and is sorry for how horribly she treated me. I had it hammered into my head that this would not happen, and that even harboring that hope somewhere in my mind gave her something she could hook into. I needed to do more of that.
Leah will never come to me and apologize for how she acted. I'll go further: she will never be held accountable for how she acted. She is making up stories about me and telling these stories freely. She is surrounded by people that shake their heads and say "wow, how terrible!" And there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop that. Leah is a horrible person and she is gone from my life, and if there was a part of my mind that hoped that something good could come from that ordeal I endured with her . . . it's time to stop.
And one other friend: it's been clear to me for a couple of years that she has been treating me like crap. In her case, cutting her out of my life means losing something very precious to me. But that's just the way it is.
These are hooks in me, places where horrible people could hold on with their claws even if they don't know they are. It's one thing to remember them, it's one thing to tell stories about them, it's another thing to live in those memories. And it's time that stopped. Stories should be just stories.
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