2nd Anniversary!

Today is the two month anniversary of my first date with Jen!  And I forgot all about it today . . . which means we really are a real couple!

We’ve had ups and downs.  Towards the end of our first month together, there were some serious questions about if we would last.  Now, at the end of two months together, we’re making plans months ahead.  I guess that means we’re on an upswing!

And she still hasn’t admitted to being in love with me.  Uh huh.

Jen and I met at a party.  This was in mid-January, a month from when Leah had left.  With the holidays gone, I decided it was time to be social again.  Jen was sitting at a bar: I walked over and we started chatting.  We chatted a good bit.  Eventually, we parted company: I was hungry so I ordered some food, and she went off with some of her friends.  Before leaving, however, she gave me her contact information.

That led to us chatting a bit that next week.  I didn’t know how to read her: we were consistently exchanging e-mails, but I didn’t know if she actually liked me.  Eventually, she mentioned that she was going to be in Pennsylvania that next week . . . would I like to get together?  I said sure, and started referring to it as a “date”.  She responded well to that.  So . . . we had a date!

Much to my surprise, many of my friends were watching my Facebook posts about this.  People were enthusiastic.  After the date, a bunch of people were asking me “how did it go?”  I didn’t think my love life was that interesting to people.

And it went very, very well!

Jen and I chat on the phone almost every night.  It’s no tragedy if we miss a night here or there, but it is something we look forward to.  Most of the time, she comes down to Pennsylvania, but three times already I’ve headed up to New York City to spend time with her.  Heck, one of those times I even drove!  Our intimate time is great: she has so much energy and our bodies fit together ever so nicely.  As much as I love spending intimate time with her, I think the best part of our time together is when we are out.  She is far too exciting, to me, to keep her hidden away in a dark room. 

I try to not be negative.  I thought I had something special with my last two girlfriends, until the day it ended.  I am nuts about Jen and I keep trying to stop myself from thinking “this won’t last forever”.

Creating A Theatre Company? That's Crazy!

Tonight, I have rehearsal for “42^nd Street”.  I missed Sunday and Monday this week because of “Shakespeare in the Trailer Park”.  I just sent off an e-mail: a theatre company in New Jersey is having auditions for “Angels in America” tonight.  I can make it there by 8:45.  I asked: is that too late?  Auditions are set to go on until 9:30. 

I would LOVE to be in “Angels in America”, but that leads to a little question mark in my head: who could I play?  Prior is of British heritage, and that fact is of some importance (he is visited by the ghosts of his ancestors at one point).  Louis is Jewish, and early on is seeking the advice of a Rabbi.  Joe is a Mormon originally from Utah.  Roy Cohn is based on a real person, who was Jewish.  That leaves Belize, a gay man former-drag-queen played by an African American in the movie.  There we go.  I will wager that everyone wants to play Belize. 

Actually, I wager that there will be a LOT of people for this audition.  “Angels” is a GREAT play. 

I’m feeling the same discouragement I felt 25 years ago, when I stopped acting.  Back then, I used to remark: what kind of a future would I have as an actor?  I can play Gandhi.  I can grow a mustache and try to pass as Hispanic, and thus play a drug smuggler.  The roles just weren’t out there.  My friends told me that things were changing, that there were more roles out there for people that looked ethnic.  They told me that there were tons of theatre companies that did “blind casting”, or didn’t care about how I looked.  Whatever.  25 years later, and I encountered the same frustration.  And I heard the same line about how things were changing.  And I heard the same lines about “blind casting”.  Where are these groups that do “blind casting”, anyway? 

Ironically, I have had a great deal of luck auditioning for musicals.  I was “Narrator” in five musicals with Thespis.  If I wanted to be part of their springtime show, I know they will find a place for me.  I did “Godspell” and I am now doing “42^nd Street” with Viviana.  Matt, the leader of Viviana, has stated that they will keep me busy year-round if I wanted.

For dramatic roles, it’s a different story.  I wind up having to come to Hedgerow and pay $250 for their showcase classes, in order to get challenging roles.  The first time I took a class, the teacher suggested I perform a monologue from “Equus”.  The second time I took a class, I was in “Laramie Project”, and I closed the show with Dennis Shepard’s speech in front of the court, asking that the man that murdered his son not be given the death penalty.  Now, I am performing a scene from “Angels in America” and performing a monologue from Pinter’s “The Caretaker”.  No theatre company would cast me for any of these roles, but through those acting classes I was able to perform them. 

Several times last year the answer was a definite: it was how I looked that cost me the part.  Of course, no one will actually tell you this, leaving you always wondering “maybe I suck.”  The other thing about the Hedgerow classes is that they give me confidence: I know that I am good.  There are three theatre companies that are on my “bad experiences” list.  This is not to say that I won’t audition for them again, but I won’t go out of my way to do so. 

The first was a Shakespeare company.  I went in for an audition and was the only person in the room that was only asked to read only once.  Everyone else was asked to read two or three times.  That meant that the decision had already been made.  I was asked to read that one time as a formality – I was there, after all.  This same Shakespeare group has auditions tonight, but to make it to that would mean skipping “42^nd Street” again and missing the “Angels in America” audition: no.  I won’t go out of my way for them. 

There was another group for which I auditioned for “Deathtrap”.  In “Deathtrap”, the ethnicicity of the leads is not at all an issue, nor is the time when it is set.  Yet, the director took one look at me and said he wanted me to read for a bit part.  He knew nothing about me.  He had not seen me perform before.  I had not yet read for him.  Someone else told me that I should have told him I wanted to read for a lead part.  Why bother?  He had already made the determination that I didn’t fit in this play.  I do get audition announcements for them now and then, but again I won’t go out of my way. 

The third is a group for which I auditioned twice.  I was willing to buy that the first time I might not have been any good.  The second time, however, was a different matter.  One other man auditioned for this show.  Several people that were at that audition said that I was substantially better than him.  And he got the callback and the part.  By the way, he is white.  It was worse than that, though.  They sent me an e-mail saying that they weren’t offering me a part in the play, but they still hadn’t cast it.  After telling me I wasn’t in the play, they started actively seeking other men to fill out the cast!  In other words, they didn’t know who they would get in the play, they just knew they didn’t want me!  I’m sure that this theatre company greatly regrets that fact that I probably won’t waste my time auditioning for them again.

The lead in 99.99% of movies and theatre are tall white men.  When I wrote my play “Leia”, I didn’t discuss the ethnicicity of the characters, and in fact it made no difference.  But I have to admit: as I wrote it, I imagined white people.  If it were ever performed, would a director look past these ethnic biases when casting?

So, I found myself fantasizing.  When Viviana performed “Aida”, they used make-up to darken the appearance of their almost-entirely white cast.  When they did “Hairspray”, part of the rules with being allowed to perform that play was that they couldn’t do that: no darkening the skin of white actors in order to play African American roles!  I imagined writing a play that everyone would want to perform.  I imagined putting a requirement in there: “if you want to perform this play, these lead characters must be played by minorities.”  Community theatre groups would need to put out that extra effort, as Viviana had to do for “Hairspray”, to find minorities. 

Another thought that caught my imagination: why not start a theatre company myself?  I no sooner mentioned this thought than Jen had tons of ideas and pointers and advice.  Um . . . I’m not prepared to actually do that just yet!  But maybe I should.  What would be the point of this theatre group?

First, while musicals would not be excluded, this theatre group would specialize in dramatic work.  It would specialize in acting. 

Second, we would look for works that have minority leading roles.  They are out there; they do exist, but are rarely performed in community theatre.  This requires a willingness to put out the effort to find those plays.  Or to write them. 

Third, we would specialize in putting minorities in leading roles.  This sounds good, but implementation will be challenging as heck.  What do I do if I hold an audition and I get a hundred white people and no minorities?  Do I turn them away, saying I want minorities?  This group would need to have by-appointment auditions and would need to perform significant outreach to find the minority actors to encourage them to come.  Many plays will need rewriting in order to get this to work.  For example, if an African American played Stan in “Streetcar Named Desire”, we would need to rewrite all the parts that make reference to him being Polish. 

Then we have the normal question marks.  Fundraising: I have no money and no credit.  Finding people interested in being the “board of directors”.  I know nothing about performing the outreach this group would need.  I know nothing about how to run a theatre company.  Finding a venue.  Advertising.  Selling tickets.  Finding the director and the producer for the show.  Running auditions.  I would have a LOT to learn in order to do this, to the point where I probably won’t even be able to be in the first couple of shows!

Right now, it remains a pipe-dream.  It’s not even that: it’s just a thought that popped into my head one day.  But . . . is it a bad idea?  It sounds like a good idea. The question, then, is if I am the man to lead this effort.

Acting Class

Last year, I took my first acting class at Hedgerow. 

The previous December, I was thinking to myself: I enjoyed acting.  Maybe I wanted to do more than just a Christmas show?  My kids were in a Gilbert & Sullivan show.  Affiliated with this group was a Shakespeare group.  Cool, I said: I will audition for that!  And . . . I didn’t get a part. 

To be blunt, I’m not likely to audition again for this group.  The woman that called to say I didn’t get a part remarked that it was because I didn’t have my monologue memorized.  I could see that . . . except that the monologue was completely optional.  During the main part of the audition, I was called up a grand total of once to read.  Everyone else – EVERYONE else – was called up two or three times.  That means the decision had already been made.  Was I SO terrible during my one reading (so much worse than anyone else) that I didn’t warrant a second reading?  Anyway, this counts as a “bad experience with that group” (which is not the same as “this group didn’t give me a part”), so I’m not likely to give them another chance. 

That experience led me to a question: was I, in fact, any good?  The past five years, I was the “Narrator of choice” by a local theatre group, but narrating is not the same thing as acting.  Not long before, a friend had pointed me to Hedgerow Theatre, so I checked their web page.  Ah hah!  An acting class!  This sounded like exactly what I needed!

The acting class cost $250 and would take up my Monday evenings.  Normally, I would say “no”.  I could always come up with another use for $250.  And could I really commit to that schedule?  For a nice change, I said “Screw it!  I want to do this . . . for myself!”  In the next ten weeks of this class, I discovered something: maybe I was actually good at this!

In my first class, I had a major role in Neil Simon’s “Rumors”.  The teacher also introduced me to a play called “Equus”, and I had the chance to get on stage and perform the closing monologue from that play.  When I took a second class, I performed in “Laramie Project”.  I had several parts in that, and wound up with some of the greatest monologues.  I played an emergency room doctor talking about treating both the victim and his murderer.  I played a man watching the homecoming parade and describing seeing something that touched him to his soul.  I played Matthew Shepard’s father, standing in front of the court and pleading that the murderer of his son not get the death penalty.  I am taking a third class now, and I have managed to play a scene from “Angels in America”, and I have performed an amazing monologue from Harold Pinter’s “The Caretaker”. 

By the way, during all of these, I repeatedly was turned down from parts all over the place.  The parts I would get weren’t all that major.  At these classes, I’m learning tons about acting, but I am also getting a chance to act.  Perhaps this makes the $250 fee a “vanity fee” -- I’ll pay the money and I’ll perform whatever I want – but I count on the teacher being honest with us about how we are doing.  The simple fact is this: I look too ethnic.  No one will cast me as Aston in “The Caretaker”, yet I have performed my monologue twice.  I’ve thought about how he is feeling, about why he is telling his story.  I sat and pondered how Prior, in “Angels in America”, felt when Louis told him he was leaving . . . and then I performed it and I screamed for him to get out.  Without these classes, I wouldn’t have the chance to play these parts.

$250 isn’t that bad, by the way.  Some theatre companies are free (Barnstormers hasn’t asked me for any money; when I performed in two Hedgerow productions, no one asked me for money).  Some ask for a membership (two Gilbert & Sullivan groups work that way).  Some, however, don’t have much money in the bank and must spend a great deal of time fundraising.  Last summer, I performed in “Godspell” with such a group, and that easily cost me in the vicinity of $200, if not more. 

Chugging Along

Things aren’t la-la-la happy-happy everything-is-perfect with Jen.  I’m far too cynical for that, and we’ve had our issues.  But, we’re chugging along and we’re happy.  This past weekend, I had the opportunity to spend a little time roaming around Manhattan with her.  She experienced my habit of making up stories about people as they walk by; I experienced her borderline road rage.  I find myself imagining spending a warm summer day with her, roaming around New York City.  I can’t wait! 

One little thing for which I am enlisting her aid: I want to attend an audition for an actual real-live Broadway play.  I won’t get the part (and if I do, I would have to decline it, as I’m not prepared to move to New York and they won’t pay enough for me to quit my job), but at least I could say that I auditioned on Broadway.  In the end, I’m only doing this to annoy my older son!

Speaking of my older son, Jen has wanted to avoid meeting my kids.  She feels, rightly so, that the kids have gone through too many difficult women in my life.  But, we were at a fundraiser on Saturday night, and my older son was there!  She had no choice but to meet him.  He can be charismatic, and the two chatted a little.  She hasn’t met my younger son yet, but I am predicting April or May.  In April, she will be coming down to see me perform in “Shakespeare in the Trailer Park”, and my kids will likely be there as well.  If they manage to miss each other then, in May all three of us will be in “42^nd Street”.  She WILL meet my younger son then! 

The topic of her moving in has come up on occasion, and every time it’s for her to emphasize that she is not planning on leaving New York soon, or ever!  Not to mention, my home is so disorganized that it would drive her insane.  Two amusing things did come up, however.  She once remarked that she would love to audition for a show with me.  I mentioned that she does have her summers free (she works in the public school system, so has summer vacations off).  Another time, my older son bragged about getting a part on Broadway.  I said “That would be great!  That would mean you’ll move out!”  Somehow, this topic shifted a touch, and we started joking about sending him to live with Jen!  He would drive Jen crazy within an hour!