The original purpose of this blog was to document how I will get my head and my life together after the breakup with my ex-girlfriend. This breakup became official last year tomorrow!
Last year yesterday (I think) I went to Leah and I said: "Your parents feel that I have been abusive to you, and that justifies their behavior. Do you agree with their belief?" Keep in mind that her parents denied their behavior, but then justified the behavior they were denying by claiming I was abusing Leah. Okay.
She answered "no".
"Well then, the fact is that you have bad-mouthed me to your friends and family until I received a death threat. What are you going to do to fix it?"
Leah avoided saying anything to me for a couple of days, and then finally gave me her solution: she was leaving. I made it clear to her that if she moves back with her parents, I must judge her a danger to me, so she will be completely cut off from my life. I will NEVER allow her back in any capacity. She was okay with that. She had scheduled the move-out date to be a week later, and had decided she would get through that week doing whatever it took to avoid answering the question "why?" The problem was that she tried to justify her behavior by claiming psychological "flare-ups" similar to those that had happened in the past. It was clear, by the end of the week, that she had made this all up in an effort to run down the clock. This made me wonder: did she make up those "flare-ups" in the first place?
And that led to the realization of just what a disgusting creature she had been. I realized that she needed a place to live, and was willing to tell me she loved me and even to sleep with me, just so I would provide that. I realized the patterns in these huge psychological "flare-ups", and how suddenly all the pieces fit in place.
Her message to me was that I should just put up with it. I didn't deserve any better. My relationship with Leah was psychologically abusive, but it was little sweet innocent and vulnerable Leah that was the abuser, not the victim.
After she moved out, on several occasions she would e-mail me. There were some things that were under her name, and needed to be put under mine. There were some old bills that she needed me to pay. She bugged me several times about things she had left in the house. At first, I would gather the things and leave them on the back porch: I didn't want her entering my home, and I never wanted to even see her again. After a point, I told her "Enough": she had been gone for several months, I'm no longer going to go out of my way to find something she had left.
When I finished paying the old bills, I told her: I consider everything "done" between us, and she is to not contact me ever again or come to any of my shows. She appeared to agree, except that she showed up during one of the "42nd Street" performances. I didn't see her in the audience and she appears to have left before we came out to mingle with the audience, so I'm fine with that. She paid full-price for the tickets, after all. I am under the impression that the people in the theatre company made her feel somewhat unwelcome. Much to my surprise, she had done this all by herself: people in this theatre company hated her even before our breakup!
I haven't followed her Facebook statuses, her blogs, or her statuses on other social sights. I don't know if she has followed mine, although one of my friends said she was whining that I was bad-mouthing her on Facebook (my response to my friend: if she receives a death threat from something I had posted about her, she has reason to talk). Once, one of my friends told me that she was complaining that she couldn't contact me at Yom Kippur to make amends, because I had demanded she never contact me again . . . so she took that seriously when dealing with one of her faith's highest commandments, but she ignored it in order to see "42nd Street". Go figure.
I'm happy to report that I've seen no sign of her and I haven't even heard her voice since the move-out. Oddly enough . . . I can't think of a single way that my life hasn't improved with her absense. Some of it makes no sense -- without her income and her cooking, how is it that my finances are in better shape now than they had been when she lived with me? I have been able to rebuild my relationship with my kids, which she badly damaged. I am, further, quite thrilled that I no longer have to be "nice" to the violent snobby obnoxious racist pricks that make up her family. So long to true rubbish!
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