The other day, Leah tried to get me into an e-mail argument. She and I have basically restricted our communications to what-is-needed in order to get our post-breakup details cleared. She was asking about things she might have left and I remarked that I’ll keep an eye on things . . . up to a limit. I made clear: “we are NOT friends, after all”. She jumped on that. I quickly noticed what she was doing – remember that she played me almost continuously for five years, so it must be a hard habit to break. I cut the argument short. I’m not interested in her games any more.
It would seem that she has found the things I have been writing about her. She assures me that she will follow her parents’ teachings of keeping what happened between us to ourselves. I didn’t find this very convincing. If she truly followed the teachings of her parents, possibly the four most disgusting people I have ever personally known, she would be threatening to kill me. Further, she grossly violated my privacy to everyone she could, and especially to her family. She badmouthed me until I received a death threat. But now, she assures me, she won’t badmouth me anymore. I guess she forgets that I know her pretty well: I’ve heard her badmouth every single one of her ex-boyfriends. But, I guess she’s learned her lesson and will not do that again. Yeah, I believe that. She might very well dislike the things I've written about her, but at least it's all true. If she gets a death threat as a result of what I have written, and if I take the side of the person making the death threat, I guess she has a right to complain.
She made a snark about how I despise her parents. I guess I should correct that: I despise her parents AND her. I don’t know what world she and her family live in, but in THIS world, a death threat is usually a good reason to despise someone. I did NOTHING to earn their hatred, and the fact that Leah has had to lie through her teeth to create some sort of justification proves that. They (the five of them) worked hard to earn my hatred. To not despise them would be . . . unappreciative.
Last night, I got together with some new friends. It was a nice "adults" evening. It was nice to do this without Leah. It was nice to flirt without Leah making sure she jumped in the middle of it. It was nice to not have to keep an eye on her as she would make herself the center-of-attention to a crowd of desperate men. It was nice to have some grown-up conversation, without Leah’s inane aren’t-I-just-so-cute moments (“I have fingers” and her endless repetition of the same joke about my cat).
I flirted with Leah the first time we met. After she dumped me then, the flirting stopped. While she was stalking me that first time, I didn’t flirt. A year and a half later, when she was stalking me even more forcefully, I didn’t flirt. I can’t think of a time when I “wanted” her. I can’t think of a time when she “aroused” me. Leah was firmly of the mindset that men should be permanently aroused, and that she need not put any effort at all. That might have worked when I was a teenager . . . but I’m not. I remember challenging her to arouse me, and she admitted she couldn’t think of anything. I found this surprising, given that she is quite sexually obsessed and almost constantly reads pornography. I remember times when I was thinking about sex with her, and in my mind it was a chore I needed to do in order to keep her happy. I wondered if my lack of interest was due to some health issues. I am getting old, after all. Perhaps my testosterone level was down. Perhaps I suffered from E.D.
And then I have a night like last night. Flirting with a woman that behaved like an intelligent grown-up! She didn’t simply respond to the flirting. She actively flirted with me! It was fun and it was exciting, and yes that simple conversation aroused me. I do hope to see her again . . . oh yes, I do. She’s older than me and is an established professional. She seemed to actually have an attention span. She was actually able to maintain her part in a conversation: she has actually lived a life and actually has something to say. She’s a grown-up.
Sometimes, you don’t realize how much you’ve missed something.
No, I’m not falling for this woman. I’m just remembering how much I love being around women like that. I haven’t had enough of this in my life, and I want more.
I’ve been invited to a party on Saturday night. I think I will attend. My ex-wife is planning on borrowing the kids that night, so it should work. Leah is planning on being out of town (I think I know where she will be, and I don’t really care), so I won’t run the risk of running in to her. Maybe the fates are pointing me in that direction.
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