I find myself wondering about next year's New Years resolution. Last year's big event was my breakup with Leah. That came at the tail end of a very difficult year, where we almost broke up several times. Naturally, this led to this year's resolution: to never again be in a relationship where I questioned if I valued the relationship more than the other . . . and to go through the whole year without moving a girlfriend in with me. With Jen, it appears that I have managed both.
Last year and this year, theatre has really occupied my times. Where last year I was still hopeful, this year that is all gone. I am sick and tired of bit parts, sick of roles that don't challenge me and that I essentially "phone in", and sick and tired of the color of my skin disqualifying me from part after part. It's natural that next year, my resolution should relate to this.
One resolution could be that I will no longer take bit parts. For original works, this would be difficult to manage: I don't know the size of the part until I see the script, and that typically is at the first rehearsal. I would become that person that comes to the first rehearsal, sees the size of my part, and says "no, sorry, I'm too good for that part." It also means potentially that I give up acting completely: if no one will give me any more than a bit part, that means I'm done with acting.
The thing is that I don't have a problem with bit parts. The problem I have is when that is the only thing I get, when I see that I am much better than people that have the better parts, and when that bit part still requires a ton of preparation. All three were true with my two big plays in the spring, "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and "42nd Street". Of the two, I think "42nd Street" was the worst. My part was so insignificant that I received no direction, and I wound up spending a substantial amount of money on my own costume when I realized, a week before opening, that no one had bothered getting my costume.
I think a better resolution is the positive form: next year, I will have at least one performance that challenges me and that I can be proud of. The problem here is that my resolution is essentially taking this out of my hands. I don't decide what parts I get. If audition committees can't look past my brown skin, I won't get a part that will allow me to succeed in my resolution. It turns out that there are two solutions.
First, Hedgerow showcase classes. I pay $250 (which was much less than I spent on "42nd Street", between fees, fundraising, supplies, and costumes), and I get to do something challenging. This past Monday, for example, I performed a scene from Ibsen's "A Doll's House". It was a great scene and I really enjoyed it. Will I ever be able to play that part "for real"? Probably not. But the showcase class counts. After all, I performed it on Hedgerow's stage!
Second, there is the matter of my writing. I do not write a play for myself to perform. In "Leia", "Vampe", or even "Prisoner" (which two people in my class on Monday performed on Hedgerow's stage), I don't see myself in the play. It seems almost like cheating to write a play intending that I have the starring role. Besides, if I am in a play I have written, I would be driving myself nuts trying to rewrite it.
But, maybe I should start thinking in those terms. Next year, I am hoping "Leia" and "Vampe" will be performed. "Vampe" is a big musical and so far the songs seem very challenging, so maybe that isn't for me. But maybe I can play a part in "Leia". And maybe I should push myself to finish my modernization of "Tosca". If "Leia" and "Vampe" go somewhere, there might be interest in at least a staged reading of the "Tosca" play.
Maybe I should be thinking in these terms.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Sometimes it's a little jealousy
Maybe a year ago, I went to an audition. At the audition, I ran in to a dear friend. I've known her for several years through a Gilbert & Sullivan group and I even had a chance to perform with her once for a Christmas play. I know she's really good, and she appears to think highly of my work.
Neither of us got parts. Later, I ran in to her and she was wondering who they had gotten for that show: the people that auditioned with us were, in her words, terrible. As it is, I knew two people that weren't at the auditions but were going to be in the show, and I knew they were both very good. After the auditions and after sending out the "we don't want you" e-mails, they went recruiting to fill out the cast.
I had auditioned for this group (the group holding the audition) once before and now they went to my "I'm not going to bother with them" list. Sure, I will audition with them . . . if they asked me, and if the audition was extremely convenient. They're not worth wasting my time. Meanwhile, what about my friend?
She got a great lead part in another play (with another group that, by the way, is on my "I'm not going to bother with them" list). Her career has exploded since then, rightfully so. Her performance was so good that it actually brought tears to my eyes. The group that turned us both down now has her in their next show: I wonder if they are thinking "maybe we should have given her a chance?" The other day, she was asked to audition for a professional theatre company. One big break was all she needed!
I'm really happy for her, she deserves this. I'm jealous, too. I love to act, I love the stage, but the most I get are bit parts and I'm not going to get anywhere doing bit parts. To be perfectly blunt, I don't really even know if I'm good. Maybe I might get known for my writing, but I'll never be known for my acting, and that's just reality.
In any case, I'm looking at my future. The theatre company that did "42nd Street" is going to do something called "Nutcracker Fusion", a dance show. I decided that I will not audition for it. This theatre company specializes in musicals and specializes in their young cast, so I'll never have more than a bit part in one of their shows. Today, there are auditions for a Christmas show at the theatre company that did "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and that hopes to do my play, "Leia". I've had my fill of Christmas shows: I'll probably change my mind before tonight, but right this moment I think it would be for the best if I didn't audition for that. I've put my name in for a general audition in October. They will see where (and if) I am a fit, and if it is a part that doesn't challenge me, I will turn it down.
Meanwhile, on Monday, my acting classes start. They're a bit expensive, but I think I will go for it. I have a strange feeling, though. When I feel almost as though it's best to bite the bullet and walk away from acting altogether, why am I taking the class? It's no longer "take an acting class, build my skills, and get a great part." It's "take an acting class because this is the only place where I can perform a part with any substance."
Neither of us got parts. Later, I ran in to her and she was wondering who they had gotten for that show: the people that auditioned with us were, in her words, terrible. As it is, I knew two people that weren't at the auditions but were going to be in the show, and I knew they were both very good. After the auditions and after sending out the "we don't want you" e-mails, they went recruiting to fill out the cast.
I had auditioned for this group (the group holding the audition) once before and now they went to my "I'm not going to bother with them" list. Sure, I will audition with them . . . if they asked me, and if the audition was extremely convenient. They're not worth wasting my time. Meanwhile, what about my friend?
She got a great lead part in another play (with another group that, by the way, is on my "I'm not going to bother with them" list). Her career has exploded since then, rightfully so. Her performance was so good that it actually brought tears to my eyes. The group that turned us both down now has her in their next show: I wonder if they are thinking "maybe we should have given her a chance?" The other day, she was asked to audition for a professional theatre company. One big break was all she needed!
I'm really happy for her, she deserves this. I'm jealous, too. I love to act, I love the stage, but the most I get are bit parts and I'm not going to get anywhere doing bit parts. To be perfectly blunt, I don't really even know if I'm good. Maybe I might get known for my writing, but I'll never be known for my acting, and that's just reality.
In any case, I'm looking at my future. The theatre company that did "42nd Street" is going to do something called "Nutcracker Fusion", a dance show. I decided that I will not audition for it. This theatre company specializes in musicals and specializes in their young cast, so I'll never have more than a bit part in one of their shows. Today, there are auditions for a Christmas show at the theatre company that did "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and that hopes to do my play, "Leia". I've had my fill of Christmas shows: I'll probably change my mind before tonight, but right this moment I think it would be for the best if I didn't audition for that. I've put my name in for a general audition in October. They will see where (and if) I am a fit, and if it is a part that doesn't challenge me, I will turn it down.
Meanwhile, on Monday, my acting classes start. They're a bit expensive, but I think I will go for it. I have a strange feeling, though. When I feel almost as though it's best to bite the bullet and walk away from acting altogether, why am I taking the class? It's no longer "take an acting class, build my skills, and get a great part." It's "take an acting class because this is the only place where I can perform a part with any substance."
Monday, August 29, 2011
Am I Ready To Audition Again?
A few weeks ago (or was it a month?) I went to the Colonial Playhouse and I auditioned for a play. They liked my audition, and after what I'm sure was a heart-wrenching three and a half hours, they sent me the "sorry" e-mail. Again, not only did I not get a part, I was on the first page of people getting turned down. The Colonial Playhouse joined the ranks of Marple Newtown Players, as theatre companies for which I won't go out of my way. The Players Club of Swarthmore is teetering on the edge of joining that list, but I must be fair to them. True, I had a very bad experience auditioning for them, but it was only one time. Maybe the director was a jerk.
On Friday, I auditioned for a short film. They said that I would hear back from them that evening, but I've heard nothing. Maybe I didn't get a part; maybe all the impending-hurricane warnings might have thrown off the schedule. This was just a lark on my end. I knew nothing about the film, and when I arrived for the audition I saw that the cast was almost entirely African American women!
Those -- the Colonial Playhouse play and the short film -- were the only times I auditioned this past summer. Consider that I'm not involved in any play right now, so my schedule is wide open and ready. Hedgerow hasn't made any audition announcements (last summer they had two auditions), and I'm not sure if I would be interested anyway: last year I committed something like ten or eleven weeks for a bit-part in "Murder on the Nile". I'm not interested in doing that again, for another bit-part. I have received audition announcements for other groups, but nothing has really grabbed me. Last year, if I was available, I auditioned for everything. This year, after subsequently getting rejected for everything, I'm a bit less enthusiastic.
Viviana has been my "old reliable". They would find a part for me, if I wanted it. Their next show is a ballet. Sure, they would find a part for me, but I'm really not interested. Viviana specializes in musicals, which by definition means I will never get a part of any substance. I also have a bad taste in my mouth from "42nd Street". It was one thing to have a bit part. It was quite another to have a bit part that, truly, no one cared about. I received almost no direction. Perhaps they trusted that I would do a good job; more likely, they were too busy with the musical numbers. No one even bothered putting together my costume, and a week before opening night I spent a ton of my own money buying my own costume. And, after each night of the show, I had the wonderful joy of coming out to the audience and knowing no one gave a damn about my performance. "42nd Street" is, after all, all about the musical numbers. The head of Viviana has been working with me on writing a play, and I think that's as far as I'm willing to go.
The biggie with Hedgerow has been the classes. This is where I get my chance to perform with parts of any substance. With "Laramie Project", I had some wonderful monologues and I was really able to stretch myself and challenge myself. This past spring, in the middle of a bit-part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and a bit-part in "42nd Street", at a Hedgerow class I was able to perform a scene from "Angels in America" and a monologue by Harold Pinter. Still, there's something about taking these classes, putting out a lot of money to get a moment on the stage, knowing that nothing will come of this. I'll impress the people that come for the one-night free showcase, but that won't translate to me getting any parts. A Hedgerow class gave me the opportunity to perform in "Laramie Project", but I know that if some company was holding auditions for it right now they would not cast me.
In a few days, it will be a new month. I should see a bunch of audition announcements for the fall. Before deciding whether or not I'm ready to audition again, I must first see if there are any plays that interest me. THEN I can ask myself if I am ready.
On Friday, I auditioned for a short film. They said that I would hear back from them that evening, but I've heard nothing. Maybe I didn't get a part; maybe all the impending-hurricane warnings might have thrown off the schedule. This was just a lark on my end. I knew nothing about the film, and when I arrived for the audition I saw that the cast was almost entirely African American women!
Those -- the Colonial Playhouse play and the short film -- were the only times I auditioned this past summer. Consider that I'm not involved in any play right now, so my schedule is wide open and ready. Hedgerow hasn't made any audition announcements (last summer they had two auditions), and I'm not sure if I would be interested anyway: last year I committed something like ten or eleven weeks for a bit-part in "Murder on the Nile". I'm not interested in doing that again, for another bit-part. I have received audition announcements for other groups, but nothing has really grabbed me. Last year, if I was available, I auditioned for everything. This year, after subsequently getting rejected for everything, I'm a bit less enthusiastic.
Viviana has been my "old reliable". They would find a part for me, if I wanted it. Their next show is a ballet. Sure, they would find a part for me, but I'm really not interested. Viviana specializes in musicals, which by definition means I will never get a part of any substance. I also have a bad taste in my mouth from "42nd Street". It was one thing to have a bit part. It was quite another to have a bit part that, truly, no one cared about. I received almost no direction. Perhaps they trusted that I would do a good job; more likely, they were too busy with the musical numbers. No one even bothered putting together my costume, and a week before opening night I spent a ton of my own money buying my own costume. And, after each night of the show, I had the wonderful joy of coming out to the audience and knowing no one gave a damn about my performance. "42nd Street" is, after all, all about the musical numbers. The head of Viviana has been working with me on writing a play, and I think that's as far as I'm willing to go.
The biggie with Hedgerow has been the classes. This is where I get my chance to perform with parts of any substance. With "Laramie Project", I had some wonderful monologues and I was really able to stretch myself and challenge myself. This past spring, in the middle of a bit-part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and a bit-part in "42nd Street", at a Hedgerow class I was able to perform a scene from "Angels in America" and a monologue by Harold Pinter. Still, there's something about taking these classes, putting out a lot of money to get a moment on the stage, knowing that nothing will come of this. I'll impress the people that come for the one-night free showcase, but that won't translate to me getting any parts. A Hedgerow class gave me the opportunity to perform in "Laramie Project", but I know that if some company was holding auditions for it right now they would not cast me.
In a few days, it will be a new month. I should see a bunch of audition announcements for the fall. Before deciding whether or not I'm ready to audition again, I must first see if there are any plays that interest me. THEN I can ask myself if I am ready.
Monday, August 22, 2011
7 Months With Jen!
I was thinking about the seven-month mark. With Joni, by seven months what did we have? She had already moved in with me, I had already discovered that her older son was not what she had claimed, and we had uncovered that everything she had told me had been a lie. With Leah, by seven months we already had an "episode" (I'm not sure what to call it) where she was convinced she had been possessed by an ex-boyfriend. In both cases, their agenda was very clear by this point. Joni's agenda was to convince me to let her and her family move in, and she had succeeded. With Leah, her agenda was to convince me to let her move in, and while she hadn't moved in yet we were already making plans for that.
Jen has joked about me moving up to New York, but so far I'm not seeing any sign of an agenda from her.
Part of the reason things have gone so well with Jen is that there is very little pressure in our relationship: I'm not here to save her from anything. Most of the time, our relationship is on weekends, and that has been fine for us. This allowed us to maintain the fact that our lives are separate. The distance means that we don't go to the movies together all that often, and that also means that we don't need to be interested in the same sorts of movies. She doesn't like all of my friends and I don't like all of her friends, but we don't need to. This summer, she has spent a great deal of time with me, essentially "moving in", but this has just been for the summer. This has led to us ponder living together. That would intertwine our lives far more, and that introduces a ton of bridges that we would have to cross when the time comes.
Consider this past weekend. I headed up on Friday to New York City. Jen picked me up, and from that point on I didn't have to do anything but enjoy myself. Two of her friends had birthday parties that weekend. We went to one on Friday Night. On Saturday, we headed up to Woodstock, and then went to another of her friend's parties. I had to arrange to get myself up to New York City, and beyond that . . . nothing. After Leah, I find myself wondering if there was something important I was supposed to be doing. I found myself wondering why I wasn't feeling stressed. If I wasn't stressed . . . was I doing something wrong?
Jen initially didn't want anything to do with my kids, and seven months later she is actually quite nuts about them. She is especially close to Jay. For Joni, getting close to my kids was part of her agenda: she was trying to arrange things so that I felt like I needed her. Leah, on the other hand, pretended to love my kids just until she felt she could count on being able to move in with me. Once she had what she wanted, she didn't need to pretend to like them. The kids also love Jen. They loved Joni, but saw that Joni made tons of promises and never followed through with anything. They gave Leah a chance, but seriously did not like her. As for Jen? Jen welcomed them to stay at her apartment (Jay was going on about that for quite a while). Jen took them to Broadway. And they find that they really enjoy spending time with her.
We did have one issue early on. Jen does not share, and that led to some issues early on. Five years ago, this would have been a show-stopper, as I insisted on open relationships. Now, I'm at a place where that wasn't working for me and I didn't find myself wanting it. I decided to give "monogamy" a try, and with Jen I'm actually enjoying myself. This might be a sign that I'm getting old, but I don't mind that.
So, seven months and no red flags. We're happy and we're enjoying time with each other. And we can see eight and nine and ten months ahead of us! And we are pondering plans for next summer, thinking we will still be together. I'm not going to jinx things by saying "maybe my time has finally come", but maybe it has.
Jen has joked about me moving up to New York, but so far I'm not seeing any sign of an agenda from her.
Part of the reason things have gone so well with Jen is that there is very little pressure in our relationship: I'm not here to save her from anything. Most of the time, our relationship is on weekends, and that has been fine for us. This allowed us to maintain the fact that our lives are separate. The distance means that we don't go to the movies together all that often, and that also means that we don't need to be interested in the same sorts of movies. She doesn't like all of my friends and I don't like all of her friends, but we don't need to. This summer, she has spent a great deal of time with me, essentially "moving in", but this has just been for the summer. This has led to us ponder living together. That would intertwine our lives far more, and that introduces a ton of bridges that we would have to cross when the time comes.
Consider this past weekend. I headed up on Friday to New York City. Jen picked me up, and from that point on I didn't have to do anything but enjoy myself. Two of her friends had birthday parties that weekend. We went to one on Friday Night. On Saturday, we headed up to Woodstock, and then went to another of her friend's parties. I had to arrange to get myself up to New York City, and beyond that . . . nothing. After Leah, I find myself wondering if there was something important I was supposed to be doing. I found myself wondering why I wasn't feeling stressed. If I wasn't stressed . . . was I doing something wrong?
Jen initially didn't want anything to do with my kids, and seven months later she is actually quite nuts about them. She is especially close to Jay. For Joni, getting close to my kids was part of her agenda: she was trying to arrange things so that I felt like I needed her. Leah, on the other hand, pretended to love my kids just until she felt she could count on being able to move in with me. Once she had what she wanted, she didn't need to pretend to like them. The kids also love Jen. They loved Joni, but saw that Joni made tons of promises and never followed through with anything. They gave Leah a chance, but seriously did not like her. As for Jen? Jen welcomed them to stay at her apartment (Jay was going on about that for quite a while). Jen took them to Broadway. And they find that they really enjoy spending time with her.
We did have one issue early on. Jen does not share, and that led to some issues early on. Five years ago, this would have been a show-stopper, as I insisted on open relationships. Now, I'm at a place where that wasn't working for me and I didn't find myself wanting it. I decided to give "monogamy" a try, and with Jen I'm actually enjoying myself. This might be a sign that I'm getting old, but I don't mind that.
So, seven months and no red flags. We're happy and we're enjoying time with each other. And we can see eight and nine and ten months ahead of us! And we are pondering plans for next summer, thinking we will still be together. I'm not going to jinx things by saying "maybe my time has finally come", but maybe it has.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Am I Done With Acting?
A few months ago, I went on an audition, and as usual I didn't get a part. This led me to some soul searching. In 2010, what did I see? I was in two Hedgerow class showcases, so there was no audition. I was in "Godspell", but that was with a group that finds everyone a part, so that didn't count. I was in "A Man For All Seasons", but I auditioned for that in 2008. I was asked to audition for "Murder on the Nile", but it was pretty much pre-determined that they wanted me. I don't recall auditioning for "Tiny Tim's Christmas" at all. I had one and only one successful audition that year, and that resulted in a bit-part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park". I auditioned a LOT last year, and that was my one and only success. That was only audition where it wasn't a given that I would get the part.
In 2011, I had one more Hedgerow class showcase and I was in two more plays. One was "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and the other was "42nd Street". With "42nd Street", again it was pre-determined. I was also in a student film, which had no audition. Oh, and I was asked to be in "Henry V" . . . after I had initially been turned down for a part.
I went to two auditions in the winter and spring. One was for "Streetcar Named Desire", and I didn't get a part. My heart really wasn't in it, though: I was in the middle of tap dance classes to prepare for "42nd Street", and I liked the idea of performing with my friends and my boys. I think the director was considering me for a smaller part, and that didn't interest me at all. I wasn't offered a part, but I felt better when I saw their final cast: this was an amazing show, and the person that got the part I wanted was a much better fit for the part.
The second audition was for "Angels in America". The audition committee went "wow" at my monologue, but I didn't get a part. At that point, I decided it was time to take a break. The world of acting just didn't want me, and I was tired of banging my head against a wall.
I was very cranky during "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and I was glad when it was over. Then, I felt, I could concentrate on "42nd Street". Unfortunately, all the focus was put on the musical numbers and the dances, and I realized that my character was basically being ignored. After all of that, I was happy with my performance (since no one was directing me, I did the part the way I wanted), but literally not one single person (other than Jen) seemed to notice. When we went out at the end of the show to mingle with the audience, I gave a mandatory minute-and-a-half, which was enough time to notice that not one single person in the audience cared about my performance. I was glad and relieved when it was over. I realized that I was in ten performances in less than a year, so perhaps that was why I was so cranky.
Last night, I decided to try auditioning again. Three and a half hours later, I received a rejection e-mail. And I find myself wondering: why am I even trying? Three and a half hours means I was literally on the first page of rejections, even though the director said that she "liked" my reading. That's a little detail: I never get called for a callback. I am consistently on that first page of rejections. People don't need time to think when they say "no" to me.
Here's the part that bothers me most, though. Jen has a friend that thinks of himself as quite a singer. He auditions and is rejected, but he keeps on going. He posts videos of himself performing and he even has a newsletter. It doesn't dawn on him that he is terrible! This leads me to a question: am I actually any good? Biased people like Jen say that I am. Tom, who has taught two of my acting classes at Hedgerow, says that I am, but I paid $250 a shot for his classes. I hear from all of these sources that I am good, and yet I keep getting turned down from audition to audition. Maybe it's race, but even if it is my brown skin . . . I'm not so good that people are willing to look past the brown skin. If it's my brown skin that prevents me from getting roles, I would like it to be a difficult decision to say "no", and that doesn't appear to be the case.
Maybe it's time to quit.
This year, I co-wrote "Vampe", and my writing has drawn considerable praise. I also wrote "Leia", a play that has the interest of a director and will likely be staged soon. That means that I am officially having more luck as a writer than as an actor. Maybe that is where my future lies.
In 2011, I had one more Hedgerow class showcase and I was in two more plays. One was "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and the other was "42nd Street". With "42nd Street", again it was pre-determined. I was also in a student film, which had no audition. Oh, and I was asked to be in "Henry V" . . . after I had initially been turned down for a part.
I went to two auditions in the winter and spring. One was for "Streetcar Named Desire", and I didn't get a part. My heart really wasn't in it, though: I was in the middle of tap dance classes to prepare for "42nd Street", and I liked the idea of performing with my friends and my boys. I think the director was considering me for a smaller part, and that didn't interest me at all. I wasn't offered a part, but I felt better when I saw their final cast: this was an amazing show, and the person that got the part I wanted was a much better fit for the part.
The second audition was for "Angels in America". The audition committee went "wow" at my monologue, but I didn't get a part. At that point, I decided it was time to take a break. The world of acting just didn't want me, and I was tired of banging my head against a wall.
I was very cranky during "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park", and I was glad when it was over. Then, I felt, I could concentrate on "42nd Street". Unfortunately, all the focus was put on the musical numbers and the dances, and I realized that my character was basically being ignored. After all of that, I was happy with my performance (since no one was directing me, I did the part the way I wanted), but literally not one single person (other than Jen) seemed to notice. When we went out at the end of the show to mingle with the audience, I gave a mandatory minute-and-a-half, which was enough time to notice that not one single person in the audience cared about my performance. I was glad and relieved when it was over. I realized that I was in ten performances in less than a year, so perhaps that was why I was so cranky.
Last night, I decided to try auditioning again. Three and a half hours later, I received a rejection e-mail. And I find myself wondering: why am I even trying? Three and a half hours means I was literally on the first page of rejections, even though the director said that she "liked" my reading. That's a little detail: I never get called for a callback. I am consistently on that first page of rejections. People don't need time to think when they say "no" to me.
Here's the part that bothers me most, though. Jen has a friend that thinks of himself as quite a singer. He auditions and is rejected, but he keeps on going. He posts videos of himself performing and he even has a newsletter. It doesn't dawn on him that he is terrible! This leads me to a question: am I actually any good? Biased people like Jen say that I am. Tom, who has taught two of my acting classes at Hedgerow, says that I am, but I paid $250 a shot for his classes. I hear from all of these sources that I am good, and yet I keep getting turned down from audition to audition. Maybe it's race, but even if it is my brown skin . . . I'm not so good that people are willing to look past the brown skin. If it's my brown skin that prevents me from getting roles, I would like it to be a difficult decision to say "no", and that doesn't appear to be the case.
Maybe it's time to quit.
This year, I co-wrote "Vampe", and my writing has drawn considerable praise. I also wrote "Leia", a play that has the interest of a director and will likely be staged soon. That means that I am officially having more luck as a writer than as an actor. Maybe that is where my future lies.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thinking About My Next Year
Two years ago was interesting. I had a difficult summer. That fall and winter, while struggling with finances, my older son's lack of interest and motivation with college applications, and a particularly bad winter, I performed in a Christmas play. With the new year, I thought about how much I enjoyed acting . . . maybe that next year, I should be in more plays?
The next year, I was literally a theatre whore. I went to just about every audition and I took just about any part. My reasoning was that I wanted to make sure my name was known, that theatre groups knew I was available. In less than a year, I was in ten performances. Four of these were one-day performances, one of them was a movie shoot that took place in one day, and five were performances that ranged from one weekend to seven weeks. This was a lot. It meant I had a great many frustrations, but I also had some great experiences as well.
So, what about this year? This springtime, I was incredibly frustrated about theatre. I was routinely turned down for parts, and it hit the point where I was going in to auditions knowing I would not get a part. I looked back at my favorite plays and I saw that there were no parts for me. I knew I was good, yet I found that the only substantive parts I would get were from acting classes. I had been in two major plays, and I hated both of them. Then, I realized something: I had been in ten performances in less than a year . . . I seriously needed to take a break! No wonder I was so crabby and frustrated!
Right now, I really miss the stage, but I haven't wanted to go back to the auditioning process. I will start auditioning again after Pennsic, but this time I will be a bit more selective of plays. I already know that my two major theatre companies have nothing to offer me in terms of performances. One will be doing a version of "Nutcracker", which will mix ballet with modern dances: not for me. After that, they will be doing "Cats": again, not for me. The other specializes in Gilbert & Sullivan, and I'm just not interested. But, it looks like I will be quite busy!
One director with whom I have worked wants to put on my play "Leia". She is toying with the idea of February. I won't actually be in the play, but I have a feeling I will be pretty active with script modifications as they find things. I am hoping that next year at this time, "Vampe" will be in full swing. This past weekend, I was able to hear some more of the music for "Vampe", and even watched as my collaborator composed music for songs I had written . . . this is going to be a fantastic play! I have a feeling, though, that between now and then, we will need to take the painful step of cutting things from the play!
These two things, if they work out, will be a big priority for me this next year. But what about acting? Like I said, I will be auditioning again soon enough. I saw two acting classes that interest me, so that should keep me occupied in the fall. I am also hoping that my idea of a "Staged Readings Workshop" will happen . . . it it goes like I hope, I might finally be able to perform in "Angels in America"! One thing I must watch for, however, is a long run, like I had last fall. "Murder on the Nile" ran for seven weeks . . . for seven weeks, my weekends were taken. Sorry, with Jen in my life, I can't and I won't do that!
The next year, I was literally a theatre whore. I went to just about every audition and I took just about any part. My reasoning was that I wanted to make sure my name was known, that theatre groups knew I was available. In less than a year, I was in ten performances. Four of these were one-day performances, one of them was a movie shoot that took place in one day, and five were performances that ranged from one weekend to seven weeks. This was a lot. It meant I had a great many frustrations, but I also had some great experiences as well.
So, what about this year? This springtime, I was incredibly frustrated about theatre. I was routinely turned down for parts, and it hit the point where I was going in to auditions knowing I would not get a part. I looked back at my favorite plays and I saw that there were no parts for me. I knew I was good, yet I found that the only substantive parts I would get were from acting classes. I had been in two major plays, and I hated both of them. Then, I realized something: I had been in ten performances in less than a year . . . I seriously needed to take a break! No wonder I was so crabby and frustrated!
Right now, I really miss the stage, but I haven't wanted to go back to the auditioning process. I will start auditioning again after Pennsic, but this time I will be a bit more selective of plays. I already know that my two major theatre companies have nothing to offer me in terms of performances. One will be doing a version of "Nutcracker", which will mix ballet with modern dances: not for me. After that, they will be doing "Cats": again, not for me. The other specializes in Gilbert & Sullivan, and I'm just not interested. But, it looks like I will be quite busy!
One director with whom I have worked wants to put on my play "Leia". She is toying with the idea of February. I won't actually be in the play, but I have a feeling I will be pretty active with script modifications as they find things. I am hoping that next year at this time, "Vampe" will be in full swing. This past weekend, I was able to hear some more of the music for "Vampe", and even watched as my collaborator composed music for songs I had written . . . this is going to be a fantastic play! I have a feeling, though, that between now and then, we will need to take the painful step of cutting things from the play!
These two things, if they work out, will be a big priority for me this next year. But what about acting? Like I said, I will be auditioning again soon enough. I saw two acting classes that interest me, so that should keep me occupied in the fall. I am also hoping that my idea of a "Staged Readings Workshop" will happen . . . it it goes like I hope, I might finally be able to perform in "Angels in America"! One thing I must watch for, however, is a long run, like I had last fall. "Murder on the Nile" ran for seven weeks . . . for seven weeks, my weekends were taken. Sorry, with Jen in my life, I can't and I won't do that!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Where am I now?
There are several threads going on in my life.
I am frustrated at my older son regarding the rather relaxed attitude he has over financial aid for his next school year, and with getting a job. I think he's seeing that I'm annoyed and is picking up the slack, but it might be too little too late.
For the past few months, I've been enjoying having some savings and being able to pay all of my bills on-time without a fuss, and I'd like to be able to continue doing that. But, if he doesn't start contributing to his college (he's 19, so this is not unreasonable), that will come to a grinding halt. I am left with doing like last year -- struggling to pay everything myself -- or telling him that, because he didn't do anything to help, he's skipping a semester. The latter is the "tough love" approach, but I know him well enough to know that it WILL backfire.
I haven't gone to any theatre auditions since January. I decided I would take a break, and I've stuck with that. I have some other threads at work, however. I am trying to form a "Staged Reading" group, an "Acting Workshop" so to speak. If Viviana agrees to put me under their banner (so that I can use their liability insurance to rent a venue), this will become a reality. I'm thinking that the first "staged reading" will be my play, "Leia". That way, we can try this out (measure interest, evaluate the venue, etc.), without paying the expense of royalty fees.
Jen and I are having fun together. She is spending this week with me, and I'm hoping that spending so much "familiar time" with me won't drive her nuts. We're still very much in the "we get together and do something special and big" mode, so this is almost another stage (where we don't necessarily have anything interesting planned).
I am frustrated at my older son regarding the rather relaxed attitude he has over financial aid for his next school year, and with getting a job. I think he's seeing that I'm annoyed and is picking up the slack, but it might be too little too late.
For the past few months, I've been enjoying having some savings and being able to pay all of my bills on-time without a fuss, and I'd like to be able to continue doing that. But, if he doesn't start contributing to his college (he's 19, so this is not unreasonable), that will come to a grinding halt. I am left with doing like last year -- struggling to pay everything myself -- or telling him that, because he didn't do anything to help, he's skipping a semester. The latter is the "tough love" approach, but I know him well enough to know that it WILL backfire.
I haven't gone to any theatre auditions since January. I decided I would take a break, and I've stuck with that. I have some other threads at work, however. I am trying to form a "Staged Reading" group, an "Acting Workshop" so to speak. If Viviana agrees to put me under their banner (so that I can use their liability insurance to rent a venue), this will become a reality. I'm thinking that the first "staged reading" will be my play, "Leia". That way, we can try this out (measure interest, evaluate the venue, etc.), without paying the expense of royalty fees.
Jen and I are having fun together. She is spending this week with me, and I'm hoping that spending so much "familiar time" with me won't drive her nuts. We're still very much in the "we get together and do something special and big" mode, so this is almost another stage (where we don't necessarily have anything interesting planned).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)