Singing again.

Back in January, my younger son and I had a voice lesson.  I proudly managed matching four notes.  Unfortunately, acting took away time, and we haven't been able to get back to voice lessons.  I look at singing in much the same way other people look at many of the things I can do so effortlessly.  I feel like there is some sort of barrier that is surrounding me in every direction.  I can't escape it and I can't ignore it, because it is everywhere.  And the problem is that I can't get past it.  I'm on "this side" of the barrier, this thing called "music" is on the other side of the barrier.  And everyone else is on that side of the barrier.  It seems so easy to all of them.  There is something crucial that eludes me, that everyone else in the entire world seems to "get". 

This is the problem with being "gifted", and something I see with my own kids.  When so many things come easy to me, the things that don't become ten times more difficult and ten times more intimidating. 

I had a father that declared that 8th grade chorus was a waste of time.  I have an ex-wife that would go "OH PLEASE" any time I tried to sing anything.  I had everyone laughing when my older son, just a toddler, would loudly shriek any time I tried to sing anything.  I had L, an ever loving girlfriend, declaring with all authority in her voice, that I was tone deaf and would never, ever be able to sing.  Put it all together and I'm backwards with auditions.  Everyone gets stressed about monologues, except me.  Monologue?  No problem.  Song?  Now I'm stressed.  

A great deal of theatre is musicals.  I don't like musicals, but I can't avoid them.  When I get a part in a musical, I get to be a "bit part", because leads have to sing.  I get to watch the leads and think "I can act circles around this guy . . . but I'm person-six-row-three because I can't sing." 

Jen will help me until I can get back to voice lessons.  I don't plan on being "good" at this, just "good enough" for an occasional musical.  Actually, just "good enough" that I can get through an audition without being stressed.