Am I Ready To Audition Again?

A few weeks ago (or was it a month?) I went to the Colonial Playhouse and I auditioned for a play.  They liked my audition, and after what I'm sure was a heart-wrenching three and a half hours, they sent me the "sorry" e-mail.  Again, not only did I not get a part, I was on the first page of people getting turned down.  The Colonial Playhouse joined the ranks of Marple Newtown Players, as theatre companies for which I won't go out of my way.  The Players Club of Swarthmore is teetering on the edge of joining that list, but I must be fair to them.  True, I had a very bad experience auditioning for them, but it was only one time.  Maybe the director was a jerk. 

On Friday, I auditioned for a short film.  They said that I would hear back from them that evening, but I've heard nothing.  Maybe I didn't get a part; maybe all the impending-hurricane warnings might have thrown off the schedule.  This was just a lark on my end.  I knew nothing about the film, and when I arrived for the audition I saw that the cast was almost entirely African American women! 

Those -- the Colonial Playhouse play and the short film -- were the only times I auditioned this past summer.  Consider that I'm not involved in any play right now, so my schedule is wide open and ready.  Hedgerow hasn't made any audition announcements (last summer they had two auditions), and I'm not sure if I would be interested anyway: last year I committed something like ten or eleven weeks for a bit-part in "Murder on the Nile".  I'm not interested in doing that again, for another bit-part.  I have received audition announcements for other groups, but nothing has really grabbed me.  Last year, if I was available, I auditioned for everything.  This year, after subsequently getting rejected for everything, I'm a bit less enthusiastic. 

Viviana has been my "old reliable".  They would find a part for me, if I wanted it.  Their next show is a ballet.  Sure, they would find a part for me, but I'm really not interested.  Viviana specializes in musicals, which by definition means I will never get a part of any substance.  I also have a bad taste in my mouth from "42nd Street".  It was one thing to have a bit part.  It was quite another to have a bit part that, truly, no one cared about.  I received almost no direction.  Perhaps they trusted that I would do a good job; more likely, they were too busy with the musical numbers.  No one even bothered putting together my costume, and a week before opening night I spent a ton of my own money buying my own costume.  And, after each night of the show, I had the wonderful joy of coming out to the audience and knowing no one gave a damn about my performance.  "42nd Street" is, after all, all about the musical numbers.  The head of Viviana has been working with me on writing a play, and I think that's as far as I'm willing to go. 

The biggie with Hedgerow has been the classes.  This is where I get my chance to perform with parts of any substance.  With "Laramie Project", I had some wonderful monologues and I was really able to stretch myself and challenge myself.  This past spring, in the middle of a bit-part in "Shakespeare in the Trailer Park" and a bit-part in "42nd Street", at a Hedgerow class I was able to perform a scene from "Angels in America" and a monologue by Harold Pinter.  Still, there's something about taking these classes, putting out a lot of money to get a moment on the stage, knowing that nothing will come of this.  I'll impress the people that come for the one-night free showcase, but that won't translate to me getting any parts.  A Hedgerow class gave me the opportunity to perform in "Laramie Project", but I know that if some company was holding auditions for it right now they would not cast me. 

In a few days, it will be a new month.  I should see a bunch of audition announcements for the fall.  Before deciding whether or not I'm ready to audition again, I must first see if there are any plays that interest me.  THEN I can ask myself if I am ready. 

7 Months With Jen!

I was thinking about the seven-month mark.  With Joni, by seven months what did we have?  She had already moved in with me, I had already discovered that her older son was not what she had claimed, and we had uncovered that everything she had told me had been a lie.  With Leah, by seven months we already had an "episode" (I'm not sure what to call it) where she was convinced she had been possessed by an ex-boyfriend.  In both cases, their agenda was very clear by this point.  Joni's agenda was to convince me to let her and her family move in, and she had succeeded.  With Leah, her agenda was to convince me to let her move in, and while she hadn't moved in yet we were already making plans for that. 

Jen has joked about me moving up to New York, but so far I'm not seeing any sign of an agenda from her. 

Part of the reason things have gone so well with Jen is that there is very little pressure in our relationship: I'm not here to save her from anything.  Most of the time, our relationship is on weekends, and that has been fine for us.  This allowed us to maintain the fact that our lives are separate.  The distance means that we don't go to the movies together all that often, and that also means that we don't need to be interested in the same sorts of movies.   She doesn't like all of my friends and I don't like all of her friends, but we don't need to.  This summer, she has spent a great deal of time with me, essentially "moving in", but this has just been for the summer.  This has led to us ponder living together.  That would intertwine our lives far more, and that introduces a ton of bridges that we would have to cross when the time comes. 

Consider this past weekend.  I headed up on Friday to New York City.  Jen picked me up, and from that point on I didn't have to do anything but enjoy myself.  Two of her friends had birthday parties that weekend.  We went to one on Friday Night.  On Saturday, we headed up to Woodstock, and then went to another of her friend's parties.  I had to arrange to get myself up to New York City, and beyond that . . . nothing.  After Leah, I find myself wondering if there was something important I was supposed to be doing.  I found myself wondering why I wasn't feeling stressed.  If I wasn't stressed . . . was I doing something wrong?

Jen initially didn't want anything to do with my kids, and seven months later she is actually quite nuts about them.  She is especially close to Jay.  For Joni, getting close to my kids was part of her agenda: she was trying to arrange things so that I felt like I needed her.  Leah, on the other hand, pretended to love my kids just until she felt she could count on being able to move in with me.  Once she had what she wanted, she didn't need to pretend to like them.  The kids also love Jen.  They loved Joni, but saw that Joni made tons of promises and never followed through with anything.  They gave Leah a chance, but seriously did not like her.  As for Jen?  Jen welcomed them to stay at her apartment (Jay was going on about that for quite a while).  Jen took them to Broadway.  And they find that they really enjoy spending time with her. 

We did have one issue early on.  Jen does not share, and that led to some issues early on.  Five years ago, this would have been a show-stopper, as I insisted on open relationships.  Now, I'm at a place where that wasn't working for me and I didn't find myself wanting it.  I decided to give "monogamy" a try, and with Jen I'm actually enjoying myself.  This might be a sign that I'm getting old, but I don't mind that. 

So, seven months and no red flags.  We're happy and we're enjoying time with each other.  And we can see eight and nine and ten months ahead of us!  And we are pondering plans for next summer, thinking we will still be together.  I'm not going to jinx things by saying "maybe my time has finally come", but maybe it has.